thoughts on pain.
I am aware that I live in a state of being that many people can't relate to. I am in near constant pain. Go ahead, read that again…and let it sink in. Near constant pain. When you deal with the medical field and pain, you become well versed in the pain scale. On a scale of 1 to 10, where is your pain today? For reference, my 10 is having a nurse attempt to turn me onto my side to change my sheets after my car accident…about 20 minutes too soon after upping my morphine. My 10 is being weaned off of morphine and discovering that the "minor" injury that was missed was a fractured-to-the-nerve molar. And for those who cannot relate to those injuries (and I hope that's ALL OF YOU), my 9 is childbirth (Austin) without pain medication. Anyway. I exist in a 3-5 world. Three means moving a bit slower in morning, and sitting in lotus a bit longer in the morning. Three means that I can take the stairs at work with ease, and even hit the gym after work. Three means that I'll probably forget to take my supplements. Five demands my attention. Five means that Austin can read my sighs, my grimaces, and my slower-than-usual movements and comment "It's bad today, huh?" Five means that tears of frustration outweigh tears of pain. Five reminds me that there isn't an easy solution – laying down hurts, sitting hurts, standing hurts. Five demands that I take magnesium, tumeric, and devil's claw.
On Saturday night, I woke up at about 3am at a seven/eight. That level of pain strikes fear and causes confusion. What do I do now? Should I call an ambulance? Should I have Austin come home and take me to the ER? Why is this happening? What did I do wrong???
On Sunday, I refused to let the pain win. I tried to go about my day. I met Colleen (& Charlie) for coffee. I went to Michael's. I squatted down to get something on a low shelf and could not get up. My stubborness (& fear of ambulances) forced me to hold my breath and pull myself to standing.
Here's the thing – if you had run into me on Sunday? You wouldn't have noticed. I am so practiced at living in pain that I don't think that I give off the normal clues.
This morning, I could barely get out of bed. I managed my way to my meditation cushion and sat in lotus (the ONLY position that gives me relief) until my feet went numb. I emailed work to tell them that I wouldn't be in. My strategy? Acupuncture, drugs, and hospital. In that order. I've never had acupuncture before, which is shocking considering my treatment plan has consisted of – cortisone, physical therapy, active muscle release, chakra clearing, EFT, yoga, chiropractic care, dietary changes (no gluten, no dairy), supplements, and kinesiology work. Today, I planned to try to get an appointment at the acupuncture clinic, and if I couldn't…I'd ask my doctor to call in an RX for narcotics (which I don't tolerate well)…and if that failed, I'd bring me & my high deductible to the hospital.
I am so grateful that the first strategy was the winner.
Let me just skip to the end and tell you that acupuncture is miraculous. I arrived at the clinic at a seven. I couldn't bend down to take my shoes off at the door. I left at a 2-3. I'm going in again tomorrow, and then on Friday, for additional treatments. I realize that acupuncture is treating the symptom (pain), not the underlying cause(s) (degenerative disc disease, lingering accident issues, an extra 20lbs)….but today? Treating the symptoms is giving me hope.
8 Comments
Marie
I feel your pain… No really. I am on a med that puts me in full out withdraw and it is unbearable. I had a night where I just kept repeating 10. 10. 10. 11. Awful. Unfortunately the only way to make it stop is a chemo drug which I have decided against. So I will be going off this med and deal with 6-10 weeks of potentially living with a constant 10. Looking for an acupuncturist now. I hope it will help me as it did you! And really so so sorry. Because I feel your pain :/
Katrina Simeck
Oh Marie. This brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. Please do look into acupuncture. I am so fortunate to have a sliding-scale community clinic nearby b/c most/my insurance won’t cover acupuncture. Sending you so much love & light. Please let me know how you are doing.
shelleymay
I too am so glad to read this. I have followed you long enough to know this is real and I believe your description of pain to probably be understated to the normal person? they’d likely think they were dying. you are one tough, steel woman. resilient always comes to mind when I think of you. I have been battling constant pain for nearly 11 years now. ever since first diagnosed with graves disease, and then total thyroidectomy, and now one auto-immune we don’t know what to call it after another. positive RA(rh?) panel, BLA37 marker is also positive? no idea what any of it means, because there is no diagnosis behind any of it, but with it comes severe spinal and lumbar pain. daily. I think acupuncture is my last resort. i’m so glad you are receiving relief and continuing with it. I am excited to try it…
Tracy
I’m so glad you have some relief. I know what a blessing acupuncture can be for my friends in pain and I wish more people would try it. We have a sliding scale clinic in Nashville that I recommend on a regular basis. Keeping you uplifted in my heart.
sarah
so glad you sought out acupuncture! a nurse at my mom’s work recently recommended it to me (headaches + nausea related to a new medication i have to take for five years). i haven’t tried it yet, but hearing how well it worked for you i’m keeping it as a very real option if/when things get unbearable.
thinking of you!
xo.
Kirsten J
Girl, I could go on and on for acupuncture. Amazingly good stuff, that Chinese medicine! I hope it is still working for you – long about my fourth treatment, I was questioning it, and she asked me to try two more times. Miraculous!!!
Christine Kelly
Oh Kat, I almost cried when I read this. I too do feel your pain and like you I too live in constant pain. Not from an accident but from Chronic Fatigue/Pain Syndrome. They are not sure what causes it but it is usually occurs first like a flu. I was reading your One Month of Barre Class and was redirected to this blog entry by the “pain management” link. Most don’t truly understand, they think you are either lazy or can’t be bothered, or don’t see why a few Advil won’t fix you up. I have also discovered acupuncture, last year, and it is simply amazing. Take care of yourself x.
Katrina Simeck
I’m so glad that you are using acupuncture!!! It’s really made such a difference in my life.