20 questions.

I have a post ruminating in my head about Austin's 15th birthday (which was yesterday). Not quite ready to put the words to (virtual) paper yet – don't want to gloss over with a few trite but true comments about time flying. So, in the meantime, I'm borrowing from my friend Lindsey, who was inspired by somemother…

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you). **a couple of details omitted just because.

I am 40 years old.

I have 2 children.

I work full time & freelance the rest of the time.

I am middle class, I guess. 

I live vermont urban – which is a style all it's own.

I own my house.

I completed high school & nearly 3 years of college.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing was the moving. The nearly constant moving. It taught me to both loathe, and deal with, change. I think it also contributed to the general theme of instability that permeates my life.
2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through is to realize that choosing a college is important – but supporting your child is MORE important. Embrace the excitement of their options. If they choose wrong? Be their safe place to fall. 
3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren) is that they see me struggle. I worry that I haven't given them stability.
4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far)…eeks. I can think of a couple that are not suited for the blog audience. Moving on…
5. What annoys me most about other mothers is the phrase "I don't have time." Please. We all have 24 hrs in a day. You choose how to spend yours, I choose how to spend mine. 'Nuff said.
6. I am happiest when I hear the sound of the ocean, when I have unscheduled time to spend with my kids, and when I am with dear friends.
7. I am saddest when I think about the mistakes that I've made, and the time that I have wasted. 
8. My biggest fear is not being good enough.
9. I am ashamed of not being good enough. I am also ashamed that I didn't graduate from college.
10. Something I need to forgive is myself for the mistakes that I've made, and for the decisions that are heartbreaking but necessary.
11. Something I wish I could say to someone…"I needed you, and you weren't there."
12. Something I have never told anyone is that I wish that my biological half- sisters (it's complicated) would acknowledge & accept me. Rejection hurts.   
13. Something I am trying to change about myself…where do I start? I am always trying to be better. I am trying to not write the endings while I'm in the middle of the story. I am trying to stop analyzing every minute of the past & worrying about the future – trying to be more mindful about the present. 
14. My biggest accomplishment is that Hope & Austin are stellar human beings.
15. I wish that I had more financial freedom/stability. I want my kids to have more opportunities than I did. Honestly? I want to have more opportunities for myself.
16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting is that sometimes if you can't say something nice, you should just say what you mean and get it out in the open.
17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting is that hearing "I love you" is healing.  
18. How I would describe my faith life is that it is much different than how I was raised, and that it is evolving. 
19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year is that I will be closer to figuring out the master plan. 
20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am farther along in my story than many of my friends – but I am also just getting started. I may look strong, but I sometimes really need a helping hand.