sometimes.

sometimes i spend the majority of a saturday alone…kids at friends' houses.  and sometimes i feel a wee bit guilty for enjoying the solitude.

sometimes i wish that i had more friends nearby to call for an impromptu movie or coffee date.

sometimes i am grateful that i have older, independent kids who can tend to themselves.

sometimes i miss having little ones underfoot.

sometimes i make the effort to cook a really interesting meal.

sometimes i broil blue cheese toasts drizzled with honey…and call it dinner.

sometimes i am terrified of what the future holds.

sometimes i am exhilarated by possiblities. 

sometimes i download books onto my Nook for instant gratification.

sometimes i wander around the bookstore, wanting to feel the weight of pages in my hands.

(and sometimes i really wish that i enjoyed fiction)

sometimes i am disgusted by the weight that i've gained.

sometimes i offer up loving-kindness…perhaps i needed a bit more weight to be able to shoulder the burdens.

sometimes i dread the end of the weekend.

sometimes i count the sleeps until vacation.

sometimes i sit in meditation with ease.

sometimes i jump off the cushion after only a few minutes,  with promises to self to do better tomorrow.