reverb remix 2013 : vulnerability

5. Vulnerability. Brené Brown writes powerfully on the topic of vulnerability. She is a pioneer in bridging the research of vulnerability with the living of vulnerability. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené writes about her experience at TED, how she gained the courage to expose herself as vulnerable in order to most powerfully demonstrate what it means to be vulnerable. Two lines in her book resonated me with the strongest:

Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen. 

What’s worth doing even if I fail?

Reflect on your vulnerability in 2013. Specifically, here are three questions suggested by Brené to explore when thinking about your vulnerability: (1) What do I do when I feel emotionally exposed?; (2) How do I behave when I’m feeling very uncomfortable and uncertain?; and (3) How willing am I to take emotional risks? Think about these questions in relation to 2013 and/or 2014.

1. What do I do? I spiral. I spin words and ideas until they are so far from the original truth that I don't know what to think. My (flawed) theory is that if I can get to the worst possible scenario then I can own it. It's exhausting. I am trying to get better at finding center more quickly. 

2. How do I behave when I'm feeling uncomfortable & uncertain? I apologize. A lot. I explained to a dear friend this year that I learned to apologize in my first marriage. I apologized for not emptying the coffee grounds, for not calming the baby, for not being thin/pretty/smart enough, and for making him mad. I'm sorry. I said it so often that it became synonymous with "I'm numb." I also discovered, with the help of my awesome therapist, that I try to make myself smaller physically. I tuck one leg underneath, and fold into my seat, curling into as small a space as I can manage. I cover my mouth with my hand. I try to shrink. 

3. How willing am I to take emotional risks? Hmmm. For 2013, I think that I would say "less willing than before." I'm starting to understand that I did so much hard work in the years leading up to 2013 that I desperately needed a break. There were so many times in the past year that I wanted to raise my hand on the field…the signal for "I need a sub." Wouldn't it be nice if life worked that way?

I have Daring Greatly on my Nook. I think it might be time to re-read…